4.22.2006

When Political Cartoons Ruled



If I know one thing, it's that I'm voting Free-Soil in '06!

4.18.2006

After-Birth


Congratulations to the happy father of Suri! It seems he enjoyed his afternoon snack!

Breaking: Cruise to Eat Placenta


Special thanks to Eric for this tip:

I kid you not, Tom Cruise, in accordance with Scientological principles (I guess) plans to eat the placenta of soon-to-be bride/mother Katie Holmes after her "silent" birth.

It's too crazy to possibly mock. I can't really say anything at all, I'm absolutely stupified. The quotes about it "being nutritious" seem ludicrous... This must be a hoax. How can this be true?

But then again, I guess we're forgetting the real question: Will he wear a bib?

4.17.2006

Aruba (Dutch Paradise): The Real Killer

Well, believe it or not, Satish, Depak, and Joran, my favorite trio since Golden State's "Run TMC," might not be guilty after all... Turns out the real killer was this guy, Geoffery van Cromvoirt. Apparently his dad is in charge of the Holiday Inn video security, and Geoff earns a living keeping Aruba's beaches "safe" for tourists... Ironic? Anyway, my song is still an accurate prophecy: if Natalee had "followed good advice" and "stay[ed] away from the Kalpoe Brothers and from Joran Van Der Sloot" perhaps she wouldn't have fallen prey to this killer. I hope Nancy Grace feels vindicated.

Needless to say, we'll be keeping track of new details as they emerge.

EXTRA!!! We cropped and pasted the exclusive ABC image of Geoffery van Cromvoirt. I hope his family was at least payed off for the image... More likely a jilted lover... Or her family!

Quote of the Century

Thanks to ESPN for this one:

52. Stare at this:
Gotta love Ron Artest. When he went to the Kings, he chose 93 for his number. Ninety-three? It represents "infinite intensity," says Ron-Ron. "Just stare at it for two hours, you'll see what I'm talking about." -- ESPN.com


My kind of player.

The Real Easter

Read it and weep.

4.15.2006

What to Do?

Ace Young had a rough week, almost getting voted off Idol. I was heartbroken. You may not know this, but I am a huge closet (not anymore!) American Idol fan. I can't get enough. I find the singing terrible, the judges insipid, and Ryan Seacrest annoying, but I can't get enough.

Maybe it's Ace that keeps me coming back. But how long will that last? His rendition of "We Will Rock You" fell completely flat despite Ace's harmonic improvements (imho)... Besides, surely Freddy Mercury would have voted for him, right?

Despite its inherrent badness, I've had Ace's version of WWRY in my head all week. It's pounding with the incessant thud of mediocrity, foolishness, and naivete...

What to do?

4.13.2006

Ahoy from the Actual Scrod!

I'm back after a long break. I hope all of you guys are burning incense and lighting candles for Molly. She is a young cat trapped in a 19th Century New York building. This situation is really frightening. They've pulled out all the stops in an effort to save her, even bringing in a litter of young kittens in the hopes that their purring might trigger Molly's maternal instinct. Unfortunately it didn't work. A gaggle of feline rescue experts are on hand, so hopefully this situation will have a happy resolution.

If not, I know there will be a warm place in kitty heaven waiting for Molly. My only prayer is that she isn't abused by rats like Richie in Amores Perros. You know what I mean.

4.12.2006

Mysterious Threat...From Henry Kissinger?



Beware Actual God, I think your old nemisis Henry Kissinger may be up to something.

4.11.2006

The Genius that We Lost



I was sadly glancing at the still un-updated/in-all-likelihood-discontinued Immortalized Stillicide when I noticed the the last detail in OJ's profile... Damn that blog was funny... Lester, if you are reading this, come back. We have not forgotten.

Whatever Happened to...?


Welcome to the first (and possibly only) installment of "Whatever Happened to...?" where we answer the question "Whatever happened to...?" inserting for the ... of course some subject. So, now that the ground rules have been written, let's charlie horse along:

Whatever happened to... WMAC Masters? You know, that fighting show that featured ninjas and a rotating platform. It was kind of like American Gladatior meets American Ninja... But with an incredibly lame RPG component. For a summary of each episode in the series's exalted if stupifying run, see this page.

Well, what did happen? It got canceled after two seasons. Sorry Star Warrior, not this time.

4.08.2006

The Crop/The Corp

It is time splendid children, it is time to recognize the order of things.

Since it has been many moons since actualgod.blogspot.com was a relevant reference point, our gaze must turn elsewhere out of necessity...

But where is there to turn?

I don't know.

Or do I?

4.06.2006

Live and Correct

I hate to scoop Nostradamus on this one, but Rita Cosby just said 'later on in the show, we'll have Beth Holloway Titty.'

Titty!

4.05.2006

Film Review: Walk the Line


I was really excited about this one. I am a big Cash fan. I especially enjoy the America series he did with Rick Rubin at the end of his life. Great versions of material from U2 to Will Oldham, Sheryl Crow to spirituals...

That said, I thought the movie was horrible. An atrocity, really. First off, there was almost nothing about the music in the film. The whole movie was dominated by the love story, and while that's cute and all, Johnny Cash was a dignified individual, not some romantic comedy foil fop. His relationship with his father was pure Hollywood melodrama. Stupid. The drug addiction was handled poorly... It was a terrible film. And don't tell me his son was in on it, I know... He obviously had to wait till Ma and Pa kicked the bucket to cash in. Terrible.

On a positive note, I thought the singing was pretty passable. But everything else was a nightmare.

4.04.2006

After a Long Delay


The wait is finally over! DeLay decides not to seek re-election...

I'm crying tears made out of oil.

4.02.2006

Concert Review: Marriage Records 4/1 Providence Show at AS220


Many of you may not be familiar with Marriage Records of Portland, Oregon, but they are a very fine group of people indeed. Marriage was started a few years ago to promote the music of Adrian Orange, who records as Thanksgiving. The tour I caught on Saturday in Providence featured the Thanksgiving Band, along with A John Henry Memorial, The Watery Graves of Portland, and Privacy. Lucky Dragons of Providence also performed.

I arrived a little bit late, so unfortunately I cannot comment on Privacy's set, which by all accounts was very good. A John Henry Memorial is a group I had previously only known through one track on a compilation, but I was totally down with his brief set. The band is Davis Lee Hooker, who sang accompanied by an electric guitar. He mixes melodically articulated whimsy with the pathos of a true participant in the common difficulties of life. Some of his material was (as he described it) angsty, while other numbers (a sing along in particular) had hints of true rhapsodic splendor. A John Henry Memorial is an intense, evocative experience. Check them out if you get the chance.

Next up was The Watery Graves of Portland, who are Davis Lee Hooker on electric bass, Curtis Knapp on keys, and Adrian Orange on drums. They mix break-beat/hip-hop rhythms with Satie-esque key work and precise yet searching basslines. My inner blackness was pleased with Orange's drumming, which was spry and adroit, keeping time punctually yet flexibly. Hooker's bass-playing was also of terrific dexterity, and Knapp's key-work created a perfect tectonic architecture over the scintillant rhythmic environment below. Their songs were also brief, which is key with instrumentals, as the audience's attention can, what to say, drift. Watery Graves are most impressive, concise, funky, thoughtful, timely; visit them here.

I missed Lucky Dragons. Sorry.

Show closer was Thanksgiving band, and they sounded great. Horns, keys, bass, percussion, guitar, all synched behind the vocals of Senor Orange, whose dry but impassioned musings are not without a little poetic force and human insight. I was excited by how rocking things got, the drums were kept on lock-down throughout the set and there was plenty of groove space. No obnoxious soloing, just tasteful vamping. My only regret was that there seemed to be some time constraint worries; I could definitely have done with more songs.

So, in toto, a fine day of concert-going. These guys are heading back across the country towards Portland, so if they come to your town, go see them!

(First Photo taken in Lawrence, KS by Ailecia Ruscinfrom Marriage Records on Myspace. Second Photo of Adrian Orange by Sarah Cass.)